I woke up this morning as I have for the past two weeks…tired. I have been getting enough sleep, using my CPAP machine and the whole nine but every day I am tired. But, this morning I began to think about what God calls us to do. I began to replay my life and the events in my life that have brought me to this place. While mediating and thinking through these events in my life, I began to unearth how racism has played such a significant part of my life. There is not one day that I live that racism has not impacted me –for all intense purposes “racism has become a god.” It has the sovereign hold upon America. It is so woven into the fabric of society that many do not even recognize it. Even the well-meaning folks practice racism but remain oblivious to its devices because it is so normal. Folks are guided and led by racism in their entire lives. It fuels them to hate; it forces them to destroy. Racism is their god.
Racism produces intricate, invisible wounds that pillage the beauty of the soul and pimps out hate. It robs me of the ability to identifying joy though I may be in the midst of it. It is an abomination of humanity.
America cannot afford to be a place where racism does not exist. It understands that many of the laws were unjust and built around the concepts of racisms. When such things are in place where do people who bear the brunt of racism turn? Well, we have to turn back to the very system that oppressed us in the first place for help. When I have to seek help from the people and systems producing racism, then racism becomes a despicable enterprise that profits off hate.
I am tired. I am tired of saying that Black Lives Matter. I am tired making people feel safe because I am black. I am tired of trying to spare folks feelings because they don’t like the fact that I protest against racism. I am tired of being followed by police. I am tired of being harasses by police. I am tired of being overlooked for jobs. I am tired of being put in jail. I am tired of being accused. I am tired of being told I am wrong because that is not how it should be done. I am tired of feeling unsafe. I am tired of telling my children to be careful around those that should protect and serve.
It gets exhausting trying to convince people of the obvious…If something matters then you would not get angry when others say that it does. When dissent is present for proclaiming something matters that may equate to the fact that you do not think it does.